I'm not happy right now, but I'm not sad either. It's a funny feeling, melancholy, it envelops me and leaves me feeling empty, and then turns right around and makes me swell with emotion. Lately I've had highs and many lows, but that just might be my opinion of them. What scares me most is I don't know where I'll be a year from now. Where I will live. Who my friends will be. I guess thats just part of growing up though, growing more comfortable with unknowns, accepting them, cherishing the wonderful obscurity of the future. That said, its really really hard to not know. All I really truly care about is that I'm happy. I hope I have found a better place in a year, that I'm more at peace with myself, my life, and the direction where its heading.
The lyrics of Schuyler Fisk stuck with me all day today, as I read a book in bed, an excellent one by the way, Rockabye by Rebecca Woolf. I lay there with the kitties, no ambition to leave my bed, hating myself and the way I couldn't get up and get motivated, and instead I lied listlessly, constantly checking facebook and twitter and pondering the meaning of life. Why I was so reliant on these asinine forms of social media. My family. My relationships with the people I love. No, I was not at peace today. Am I ever?
"I wish I wasn't so fragile, cause I know I'm not that easy to handle."
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